Final 30 before 30 Update!

I turned 30 earlier this month and at first I was a little disappointed in myself knowing I hadn’t completely finished my original list from last year. But it was a pretty amazing year overall and I accomplished a few things I didn’t really set out to, and also overachieved on a few of my goals, so I’m feeling content going into 2019 and my thirties! Here’s a brief(ish) recap:

Finished! (19/30)

  • Let Go - The idea here was to let go of the things I wasn’t excited about to make room for things that I was. I’m glad I set this as an intention and that it was something I saw every day because I made some huge moves in my life thanks in part to this. I did a lot of critical thinking about who I am and where I fit and shifted things in my personal and professional life.

  • New Lens - Bought a Lensbaby Trio on my trip to NYC earlier this year and it was even more worth it than I thought. I pulled out my camera much more often and used it much more on trips. I also bought myself some macro tubes which have been fun to play with as well!

  • Run a 10K - Ran the Big Ten 10k with my sister in Chicago this year. It was even a bit easier than I was anticipating. Unfortunately now I am completely out of shape relative to August when I ran the race, ha.

  • Finish another 100 Day Challenge - Because I’m a little crazy I actually tackled and completed another 100 Day Challenge this past summer-- proud of myself for finishing this during the craziness that was my summer in my previous job!

  • Go out of state (x2) - I completely overachieved and went on trips to Massachusetts, New York, Wyoming, Illinois, and Ohio over the course of the year. It made me realize it’s actually pretty easy to take quick weekend trips so this is something I want to duplicate in 2019.

  • Half Moon & Crow Poses - Simple, little challenges to myself that I did achieve-- yay!

  • Learn some animation skills - I finished an intro course in After Effects so this definitely counts as a success to me. There might be some opportunity for me to create animated graphics in a major project I’m working on at my new job so I’m excited for that.

  • Build my portfolio site - Done! This was kind of a necessity when I applied for my new job so I’m glad I was given a de facto deadline to finally push myself over the finish line.

  • 12 Photos I love enough to frame - The original thought was to actually print and frame said photos, but seeing as I will be (temporarily) moving back in with my parents in January I am content with just having taken a bunch of photos I loved this year.

  • Host another dinner party - I’m going to count this as a success even though I shouldn’t because I’m really proud of the birthday party I hosted, which I’ll touch on in a minute, and think it should count as 2-for-1.

  • Hang out more with Misty - I feel like, as much as you can be, I have a closer bond with my little boy. I made toys for him this year, let his wings go unclipped so he could fly to me and back as he pleased. It was a solid year for our relationship and I’m glad he’s made it to 20!

  • Write 50 postcards - I think I sent fewer than 50 when it came to postcrossing but overall I definitely sent more than 50 in the year so, in short, success!

  • Try out a new art technique or two - I bought an iPad Pro and Apple Pencil this year and it has been SO fun to dive into illustration as a whole. So I count all of that as learning a new technique, especially since I’ve been able to use illustration in my new job in some fun ways.

  • Visit the DIA or other art museum - This is another one where I seriously overachieved and I’m so happy about it. Art museums I visited this year included the MFA, the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, UMMA, the Met, the Art Institute of Chicago, and the Cleveland Museum of Art. So much good art and zero regrets.

  • Go on a Hike - In another major overachieving moment I not only hiked, but did a week-long back country trip in the Wind River Range in Wyoming with True North Treks. It was an incredible experience I could not have predicted last December but I’m glad I made the relatively last minute commitment to it and went anyway.

  • Visit a Beach - I squeezed this in during a family labor day trip in Ohio. Yes, there are beaches in Ohio and it was perfectly lovely for the 20 minutes we spent on it.

  • Plan something for my 30th Birthday - I had a little seed of an idea to host a Bob Ross birthday party and it turned out to be the best possible way to celebrate entering another decade of my life. It was basically a “paint and pour” but with Bob Ross instructing and a very delicious Whole Foods cake instead of booze. And it made me feel much better about “being old” to see so many friends at one time so if that’s not a success I don’t know what is.

Eh, Good Enough (4/30)

  • Share Better - While I definitely thought a lot about social media this year as a whole (kind of hard not to given how often Facebook was in the news), I’m not sure I changed much about the way I share to say that I really completed this as I intended. I’m thinking one of my 2019 goals will revolve around social media usage and I’ll be more specific about what success means this time around.

  • Work Deeply - I’m getting there but I’m really only at about 50% of where I’d like to be. I’ve definitely realized just how much of Cal Newport’s writing on deep work and focus is true for me. I was getting to a decent place with focus in my old job, but now that I’m in a new job with a totally different working environment I’m working on adjustments and figuring out what makes sense for me now.

  • Konmari my Computer - I made some good progress on this but I didn’t have a lot of time to devote to this in the past year and it’s something that became less important to me as the year went on anyway.

  • Schedule/Review my days/weeks - I think I got a bit ahead of myself on this one with the desire to schedule my days. But I did a pretty good and consistent job of keeping up with my weekly reviews and want to continue with that and build on it for 2019.

Definitely didn’t do, but it’s okay! (7/30)

  • Leave the Country - I ended up going on several out-of-state trips that I think worked a lot better for me considering how my year panned out so I’m not unhappy about “failing” at this one. But I do need to renew my passport this year so I’m dreaming up out-of-country trip ideas again.

  • Reading Challenge - In a year with a lot of change this particular goal did not go according to plan. I definitely read a lot of books but it was almost all exclusively related to fine art with a few exceptions and I’m not even sure I can say I read 40 overall. But I’m totally fine with it considering I had more upheaval in my life than I was anticipating. And I think this upcoming year will have enough major change (I’m moving, etc) that I’m not planning on tackling this like I originally planned next year either. But I still love the idea that I’m going to keep it in mind for 2020 :)

  • Bird of Paradise Pose - So I can do this… just not with straight legs. I have no idea why I thought I would be able to do this without extensive splits training alongside it which I don’t quite have the time to commit to. So I’m not sad about this one!

  • Get into a regular sleep schedule - All I’m going to say is that this one needs a lot of work… haha.

  • 50 Blog Posts - I realized pretty early on that this was going to take much more effort than I initially thought so this is another one that I am okay with not completing. The key piece of this goal was really to document things so that I can remind myself I’m making better progress than I think I am so I will roll that into a 2019 goal in some way.

  • 25 Movies - I’m still confused as to why I find it hard to sit down and watch a movie-- it didn’t help that I cancelled my Netflix DVD plan part way through the year (yes, I still had one lol). But I have seen like two movies in the last week so I’m making up for my failure now.

  • Picnic in the Arb - So I kind of did this very informally on a Bumble date that went nowhere but it did not involve a picnic blanket which I feel is very key so I’m going to carry this over to 2019 because I’m just baffled I didn’t squeeze this very simple goal in somehow.

I’m already looking ahead to 2019, evident by some of the thoughts I expressed in this recap, so I’m going to leave that recap as it is even though I was hoping to make this a bit more of a multimedia post with plenty of photos… especially since I’m thinking “Better to finish something imperfectly than to not finish at all” will be one of my resolutions.

Emma Bumstead
30 before 30 Update

I initially had a goal to write 50 blog posts this year--  looks like my year has other plans for me so I may have redefine what 50 blog posts means. BUT, outside of that, I have been making some exciting progress on my bucket list for the last year of my twenties! Here's a quick update while it's still April:

5. Buy a new lens I bought a Lensbaby Trio on my trip to New York in March… at B&H no less! It was a slightly overwhelming but fun experience to buy a lens in person at the store.

6. Reading Challenge Update I’ve read kind of a sad 9/40 books so far, I’ll write a separate post outlining the books I’ve so far and how that’s going.

8. Finish another #The100DayProject or 30-Day Challenge I finished the Letter Month challenge back in February by sending mail every day that month! I’m currently working on #The100DayProject to really round out this particular set of goals for the year.

9. Go out of state I visited Boston back in January. I spent half the trip being sick but it counts!

10. Go out of state (again) I visited NYC in March. It was a very packed and eventful trip and I had a blast all around.

11. Half Moon Pose and 12. Crow Pose I’m a little shocked I’ve worked my way up to being able to do crow for any length of time but I’ll take it! I don’t think I’ll be flexible enough to straighten my leg in Bird of Paradise this year (wishful thinking)... but I am playing around with doing a tripod headstand in my door frames so maybe I can substitute for that at the end of the year!

15. Build the Portfolio Side of This Site I basically finished this yesterday-- I’m happy with everything I have in my portfolio section for now and it feels SO GOOD to finally have current work up and out there for anyone to see.

19. 50 Blog Posts (3/50) Like I mentioned, I might have to redefine this a bit. I’m considering counting Instagram posts with written captions or maybe even starting to use my Tumblr.

20. 25 Movies (4/25) I don’t know why I have such a hard time sitting down to a watch a movie, ha! I’m toying with the idea of getting something like a MoviePass just to get myself out there to see all these movies that I want to see but never get around to seeing.

24. 50 Postcards (22/50) To make up for slow progress everywhere else, I am ahead of schedule with postcards at least! My letter month challenge really helped with that.

25. Try out a new art technique or two I broke one of the informal rules of the #100DayProject and bought myself a refurbished iPad Pro and Apple Pencil just in time to use it for the project. I’ve been thinking about getting some kind of tablet for the last few years to replace my old one and I am really glad I bit the bullet and got the iPad. It’s been incredibly fun to be able to sketch on a screen again. I’ve been using Procreate so far but I’m planning on downloading Astropad soon to play around with using photoshop on my iPad.

It is still definitely on my to-do list to play around with resin at some point though, just for fun!

26. Visit the DIA or other art museum So far I’m averaging an art museum a month which definitely exceeded my expectations and has been so inspiring. I’ve been to the MFA and Isabella Steward Gardner Museum in Boston. I went to UMMA with my mom here in Ann Arbor. And The Met in NYC-- though I kind of want to go back to NYC for a short weekend just to see MoMA, bummed I missed it while I was there!

I’ve also been trying to keep track of things I’ve accomplished this year that I didn’t plan on but am still really proud of:

I raised $300 for the CSC as part of the Big House 5k! The fundraising was exciting enough by itself (a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone that donated) but I also ran my first 5k without stopping during that race so that day was a definite high point for me all around.

Emma Bumstead
2 Years Cancer Free!

I woke up this morning not feeling great about where I'm at right now, but I'm going to bed in a few minutes feeling loved and I'm so grateful. Because I do actually have to go to bed in a few minutes I'm going to keep it short and sweet... with a list of things I'm thankful for today:

  1. I spent a solid 45 minutes on yoga this morning to reflect on the fact that my body is not currently threatening my existence. And my reward was briefly being able to keep my heels on the floor in downward dog and holding crow pose for a solid half second. I'm actually really excited about those two things and excited that I'm still enjoying such a "hippie" activity.
  2. I finally saw Star Wars! Yeah, the one that came out back in December. It's still in theaters. And I actually really enjoyed it. And I learned that my mom apparently secretly loves Star Wars and saw the original movie in theaters when it first came out. She was so into it that our whole adventure home was narrated as though we were in space, starting with announcing "prepare for ejection!" as she got out of her seat at the theater. Needless to say, I love my mom.
  3. My parents got me a cake! And my dad insisted on keeping the leftovers which is definitely something my dad would do. As I'm typing this I just remembered that my mom also forgot to send the chocolates she bought for me home with me, too. I love my parents for being so starved for sweets from their diets that I don't get to keep the sweets associated with my own celebration haha.
  4. I came home to flowers at my door from Mary that made me cry. It was a real miracle that it's so damn cold outside that they just froze in their perfect state instead of dying and then freezing. And now my apartment smells amazing and I do feel a little bit elevated. Thank you, Mary-- I love you!
  5. And lastly-- I checked my email to discover that my tiny little fundraising goal for the CSC was completed today! THANK YOU to everyone that donated. Mary, Amber, and to the friend who I think wants to remain anonymous (but I know who you are!)-- I'm so grateful for you all and it means a lot to me that you all would donate to a place that helps provide so much needed emotional support to survivors.

Of course, just because my goal has been met doesn't mean that the fundraising needs to be over, so if you're reading this and would like to help them... and motivate me to train slightly harder so I can run a time worthy of your donations, you can donate here!

I'm probably going to be a little emotionally all over the place for the next few days, but right this second I'm feeling pretty good and I have all of you to thank for that!

Emma Bumstead Comment
2018(ish) Reading Challenge

In my 30 before 30 post last week I mentioned that I would go into greater depth about my reading challenge that I’m setting for myself. Every September when school starts up again it just feels like I should be going back to school myself. I had the idea back in September that I could set up a “curriculum” for myself as a way to satisfy that urge— no papers obviously— just reading. I missed the boat on starting this back when the school year did, but nonetheless I am into the loose academic theme of this challenge and I invite you to do something similar and join in if you have the same back-to-school issues I do.

My plan is to read 40 books: at least two from each subject and at least two books that I don’t think I will agree with going in.

Here are my “subjects” and how I’m defining them:

  • Art & Design: Theories and techniques in art or design.
  • Business: Business practices and trends, marketing.
  • English: Really just catch-all category for the fiction reading I want to do this year, mostly.
  • Environment: Sustainable living, minimalism.
  • History: Well, history. But I’m also specifically interested in diverse retellings, too.
  • History of Art: Art in context, the lives of artists.
  • International Studies: non-American, non-Western perspectives.
  • Political Science: Anything related to politics or government.
  • Psychology: Mental health/self-help.
  • Religion: Diverse or challenging perspectives.
  • Sociology: Systemic and structural issues, nonwhite perspectives in culture.
  • Women’s Studies: Books by women, feminism.

I’m giving myself a pass on math— that alone should make this an achievable challenge over the next year. I’m also allowing myself to count the two books I’m currently reading and giving myself permission to abandon this entirely in favor of just reading 40 books total. And I definitely couldn't make this post without throwing in some old photos from U-M's campus so if you were wondering, yep-- that's U-M!

Emma Bumstead
30 before 30

It’s my birthday! Last year I decided to take a break from any kind of annual goal setting, but seeing a wave of 30 before 30 lists recently has me wanting to join in. Considering I only have a year to get this stuff done I made sure to throw in some relatively simple things that can be achieved on an ideal day at the spur of the moment… but I’m definitely also lumping in the big stuff and the “stretch goals” that I’m not 100% sure I can get done in the next 12 months.

I promise these add up to 30... don't have enough time this evening to fix that formatting issue!

Guiding Principles (At least that sounds nice as a title here)

  1. Share Better
    This blog is part of this and I have another goal pertaining to the blog later, but I do want to take a hard look at my social media use in the next year and cut back to only he things I really care for and realistically have the time for. The other half of this trying to be a little bit more authentic and honest when things aren’t going so hot— I hate the “highlight reel” aspect of social media and I figure starting with myself is a good enough way to effect change.
  2. Let Go
    I feel like this is a cliche in terms of goals. And this isn’t a “let go of all the haters” thing (ha!). It’s more about getting rid of versions of myself that are not remotely realistic. I could probably be a marathon runner if I wanted to… but I do not have the time or dedication to pursue that goal at the moment. That sort of thing. The bright side to this is that it frees up mental energy toward working on the things I really do want to work on, so I don’t really consider this a negative thing.
  3. Work Deeply
    I recently finished Cal Newport’s Deep Work, I’ve been paying attention to how I work and get things done, and I’ve realized just how distracted I am all the time. And I think it’s a huge part of the reason I’ve been a little frustrated with my ability to get things done at work and at home. It’s seriously difficult for me to commit to doing one task for an entire hour without giving in to some kind of distraction (text messages, running off to do something else that popped into my head, etc). So I definitely want to work on improving my ability to focus for long periods of time over the course of the next year.

The Big Things that I’m not totally sure I can afford to do

  1. Leave the country
    I could totally cop out and go to Canada, but where this is a bit of a stretch is that I’m thinking more like Europe or Asia. It’d be a very bare bones, travel on the cheap trip, but I’m thinking I can squeeze just enough money out of my budget to do it.
  2. Buy myself a new lens
    The one lens I’ve never had and have pretty much always wanted is a nice macro lens. I love the tiny details in things and I’d love to really be able to capture some of that. But looking at what I can afford in a year, this is a definite maybe for now.

The Big Things I’m pretty confident I can do

  1. Reading Challenge
    I’ve REALLY been enjoying reading lately, having rediscovered the magic of libraries and reading books for free. I’m going to write about this in depth later on but I have a somewhat aggressive but realistic goal set for myself and kind of a fun “curriculum” to follow.
  2. Run a 10k
    So I’m publicly holding myself accountable for this one in particular. My sister, Jenna, and I are tentatively planning on taking on the Big Ten 10k in Chicago next summer. And… I need to actually start training for that.
  3. Finish another #The100DayProject or 30 Day Challenge
    I managed to start and finish one this year and I enjoyed it, even when I was annoyed with myself, so I’d like to challenge myself to another creative stretch at some point.

Everything else!

  1. Go out of state
    Assuming I actually do the Big Ten 10k this should be easily achievable, so…
  2. Go out of state
    I’m planning on trying to do that at least twice next year.
  3. Half Moon Pose
    I want to start regularly practicing yoga— I’m a little bit hooked after taking a class through U-M this semester. I’m going to take another next semester if I can, and there are three poses I want to either actually balance well in or be able to hold for any length of time, starting with half moon…
  4. Crow Pose
    And this one…
  5. Bird of Paradise
    And this one!
  6. Learn some animation skills
    This is partially for work but I do want to challenge myself to learn some new software next year since I feel like it’s been awhile since I really challenged myself in this area.
  7. Build the portfolio side of this site
    But for real this time. I feel like this was definitely one of my annual goals a couple years ago, but considering I have everything set up and I just need to add things, this should be doable now, ha.
  8. “KonMari” my computer
    This might be cheating since I’ve already finished the easier part of this, but yes, as lame as it is to say, I do kind of like applying the “only keep what sparks joy” method to my life and I’ve yet to do this to a bunch of files on my computer.
  9. Get into a regular sleep schedule
    30-year-old’s should have regular sleep schedules, right? I want to do this for more than just that reason, but I do find it funny that I’m really wanting this on the eve of “old age”
  10. Schedule/Review my days and weeks
    I’ve recently started doing “Weekly Reviews” as it pertains to both work and personal projects and it’s been so helpful to me that I want to try to push that even further and try to get into the habit of planning my days out a little more intentionally.
  11. 50 blog posts
    This goes back to my first goal/intention— I want to work on writing a little bit more. And sharing better. And really, just documenting the stuff that I’m accomplishing so that I can look back on them and feel better about how I’m spending my time. I’ve learned if I can’t do that I tend to feel like I’ve done nothing even when I know that’s not true.
  12. 50 postcards
    I still love Postcrossing but I tend to slip into periods of sending cards and then going a few weeks where I don’t. So I’d like to send roughly one a week next year.
  13. 25 movies
    Another thing I love doing and rarely get around to doing on a regular basis. I’ve got a list that’s years-old that I want to make a dent in.
  14. 12 photos that I love enough to frame
    This is the easier of my photography goals and I do want it to end with actually getting some photos printed and framed for my apartment. 
  15. Have another dinner party or two
    I hosted two potluck dinners at my apartment this past year and I want to keep up with this because it was a blast both times!
  16. Hang out more with Misty (my bird)
    I mean, he’s like my child, I should definitely be able to carve out more time to actively playing with him.
  17. Try out a new art technique or two
    My friend Lindsey and I have been scheming up some ideas in this arena and I’m excited to finally try them.
  18. Visit the DIA (or other art museum!)
    I go way too long between DIA trips and that’s dumb because I only live like 45 minutes away.
  19. Picnic in the Arb
    Or, as I’m typing this, really just a picnic anywhere in Ann Arbor would be kind of fun since I’m also envisioning the law quad.
  20. Go on a hike
    This is very “stuff white people like,” but I’ve been wanting to do another hike since my trip to the Adirondacks a couple summers ago
  21. Visit a beach
    This is also no small thing, even though Michigan is full of beaches. I’ve definitely gone entire summers without seeing a beach before and that’s just sad. So I’m going to actively prevent that.
  22. Plan something fun for my 30th Birthday
    I don’t know what yet, but I never really plan things for my birthday and it would be fun to do something a little bit more involved for this milestone birthday that is the entire reason for the list.
Emma Bumstead
I Don't Have Cancer + November-ish Links

I’m a little bit over a month out from learning that the cyst on my ovary had shrunk and was therefore not cancer! So the immediate anxiety that I was feeling back in October is resolved for now and I am left with just a general low-level anxiety that I think I’m managing fairly well on a daily basis. And I was in a big rush to "resume life as normal" so I wasn't super eager to write about it publicly in the moment, if I'm totally honest.

Things Worth Sharing

I had mentioned wanting to share things not related to cancer back then, too. I tend to thoroughly enjoy the weekly/monthly links that some of my favorite bloggers share. And since I’ve been reading more and still listening to a ton of podcasts, I figured it’d be interesting for me to track noteworthy things as well!


How Essential Oils Became the Cure for Our Age of Anxiety

This is both an informative read and highly entertaining. A line I particularly enjoyed from when the author goes to a Young Living conference: "Never have I sneezed so much; never have I been blessed so enthusiastically when I sneezed.”

Promethea Unbound

This is truly a long read, so you’ll have to set aside some time for this one, but I found it to be gripping.

Evicted by Matthew Desmond
$2.00 a Day: Living on Almost Nothing in America by H. Luke Shaefer and Kathryn Edin
PBS Frontline Podcast - The Housing Fix

At any given point I probably have about ten books in my hold queue at the library. And somewhat by accident, I spent most of October reading about poverty in the U.S. because those books happened to come in. And then I caught an episode of "Frontline" that so closely mirrored some of the things I’d read I figured I would group all of those together for you if you have any interest in learning about the gaps in government assistance on low-income housing.


Heaven’s Gate

I think anyone that knows me is aware that I have always had an interest in true crime (and also Law & Order: SVU). Cults fall into that area of interest for me and part of what makes this show so compelling is Glynn Washington’s own background having grown up in a cult himself.

Revisionist History - Blame Game

A coworker recommended Revisionist History to me about a year ago and I never got around to subscribing. That was a huge mistake— I’m working my way through the back catalog right now and pretty much every episode has been fascinating to me. Blame Game sticks out to me in part because I have always had a little bit of worry in the back of my head while driving, thinking that one day might car might just start accelerating uncontrollably.

This American Life - White Haze

This was the first podcast I had marked to share here so it’s not as timely as it was when it was first released, but I think it’s still worth a listen to get some insight into certain pockets of the right-wing that were linked to Charlottesville.

99% Invisible - La Sagrada Familia

A great episode from one of my favorite podcasts of all time. Hearing more about the background of La Sagrada Familia is making me that much more eager to see it in person!

I'm planning on making a monthly post like this so that the links and things I share aren't too "stale" by the time I'm sharing them. So if you enjoyed these, I will be back in December with more. At least that's the plan!

Emma Bumstead
On Two Years of Cancer Survivorship

Two years ago today I woke from surgery and found out that I had cancer. This morning I woke up with anxiety over an MRI I’m getting tomorrow for a cyst on my remaining ovary. Technically an improvement! Also, a friendly reminder that once you’ve had cancer it stays with you.

Last year I shared a Facebook post asking people to be aware of the often vague symptoms of ovarian cancer and basically called it a day. It wasn’t a fun day, don’t get me wrong. But looking back at that day from right now, I was feeling more optimistic. Or, maybe I was still in a little bit of denial that it had happened at all. Or, maybe coasting on a bit of a survivor’s high where things were consistently getting better, so it felt a little bit like I had overcome the worst possible thing that would ever happen to me and everything would be up from there. Or, maybe I felt like I had obtained some kind of deep wisdom having survived cancer and it would make all difficult things easier to tackle.

Now a year later I feel like I really haven’t even scratched the surface of what the hell being a cancer survivor means. It feels harder this year. Certain things are easier, I’ve taken to joking about how getting a flu shot is not even remotely a big deal to me now, among other things. The small, easy things in life that might have given me some anxiety before are now rightfully small and easy. And maybe that was the moral of the first year of survivorship. This past year sort of felt like “the hard things are still hard, if not harder.”

Finding out you have a small cyst with an irregular spot is a hard thing. And it’s made harder by the fact that now I have a real, intimate knowledge of what cancer treatment entails. So you mentally run down the possibilities: it’s probably not cancer, I have been told if I didn’t have a history of cancer that this cyst would not be a big deal. So sure, maybe it’s not cancer. But then maybe this is just the first cyst of many and the recommendation becomes a hysterectomy. And then I have to learn what it’s like to be a person that is not just missing an ovary, but most of the organs that biologically make me a woman. Of course, it’s more likely that this will all be fine and the cyst will resolve itself on its own...

… But even then, there’s nothing quite like spending your two-year anniversary of your diagnosis mulling over the reality that you could get cancer again. And I can tell myself that I was able to beat it once, so I could beat it again. Assuming I’d have to go through a relatively short treatment schedule again it seems doable. Maybe that sounds kind of insane to an outsider but that was only four months of my life. And it’s really nice to have a finish line.

What’s exhausting is thinking about what survivorship looks after that because I am currently living in the reality that there is no finish line to survivorship. Vain concerns immediately spring to mind, like “I really do not want to spend another two years growing out my hair.” So I think it’s safe to say whatever deep wisdom I thought I’d gained last year is at best, a work in progress. Then I’d imagine there’s a lot of “well I’ve had cancer twice, that was probably not the last time” and “what the hell does dating look like now” because it turns out that having cancer once makes it kind of difficult.

Then, of course, there’s the general “what the hell do I do with my life now?” thought. Which takes me from wondering about what a hypothetical two-time cancer survivorship looks like to the present, where I am just a one-time cancer survivor figuring out survivorship. And I am still very familiar with that thought and feel like I haven’t acted on it much.

I recently started seeing a therapist (seems like a good step one) and she mentioned in passing that I might find it helpful to write a blog post. Which is something that I had already been thinking about but hadn’t done because it doesn’t seem like relaying my anxieties would be that useful to other people. As trite as it is to say if I can help one person that would make it worth it. And maybe that person will be me, ha!

I don’t want to alarm anyone in writing this— I’m doing well on a daily basis even with this cyst. But this is the reality of cancer. It stays with you and there’s no finish line. Those are two things I feel like I know for a fact and everything else seems up for debate and discovery. Which seems like a good enough place to start with a blog. I don’t plan to always write about my cancer here, but it feels like it’s still just under the surface of everything in my life. And I think documenting things will help me realize I’m doing better than I think I am.

I already feel better for having written and shared this today :)

Emma BumsteadComment